What is it about romantic love that makes me long for it, yet have disdain for it at the same time?
Some days I feel as though I would be happiest if alone for the rest of my life not having to be concerned about a failed marriage or kids that just didn't turn out right because, for the most part, these are things that single people don't even have.
Other days, the thought of spending even one more hour alone is too much to handle and I am super susceptible to "settling" for any guy, as opposed to choosing the best man and he choosing me.
This could be the result of my latest failed attempt at love. It seems that this rejection has both turned me off to loving at all and heightened my desire for love! What!? Who knew? Arg...I am even more lost now than I was before! To be sure, I was never worthy of someone so awesome, but now what do I do?
I pray for contentment in my current situation and that God would use me, but what is my current situation? Is it just my state of being (singleness), or does it also include my feelings too? Would that mean I need to be content in my confusion?
Forgive me, I realize I am babbling...
My only solution is to pray that God will be my everything and that I will live my life to please Him. He has me right where He wants me in this very moment...it hasn't taken Him by surprise. Tomorrow, He will have me where He wants me. And guess what, the next day He will have me where He wants me too. My job is to trust that He has the best plan. I need to understand that my confusion often comes through trying to take back control or know what's coming next. But here's a thought, if I was to know how my story ends, I would spend the rest of my life living to making sure that it happened that way...instead of actually living my life and living it for God.
God will prepare me, and is now, for what is coming next...and considering how much more wisdom is in Him than is in me, I really don't need to know what it is. I just need to trust Him to take me there.
5 comments:
I have had some tension in this area too...kinda the same, but not quite. See, looking at Adam and Eve, there is obviously a real need of some sort for that relationship. Yet it seems easy to place too much importance on it to where it is an idol, or something to replace what God provides. So its like we were designed to need it, yet I feel that if I say "I need that", I am saying that God is not enough.
"To be sure, I was never worthy of someone so awesome, but now what do I do?"
You cannot approach this situation with the attitude of feeling worthy or unworthy.
What we don't see beforehand, is that we are not individuals placed randomly about, but beings purposefully planted by God in conjunction with a group, unknown to us in the present moment, but eventually to be revealed to us, one at a time. But we have to wait, take it slowly, and offer our wills to God, saying, Not my will, but Yours, not my thoughts, but yours, not my love, but yours.
Romantic love has caused more grief than can ever be told, because it's unreasonable love.
God does not intend to deprive anyone of us of the intensity and joy of love, real love not dutiful love (which is really His enemy because it is false), but He does have a plan and will for us specifically. Our task, if we believe that God's care extends even to whom we chose to love and marry, is to guard our eyes, our heart, our imagination, our reason, our memory.
Not all good intentions are meant to come to fulfillment, if they are not in God's will. Neither all wise, good, beautiful, spiritual, intelligent persons are meant to be our lovers in the sense under consideration. It definitely is not a situation in which one should "settle" for less than the best, nor to aspire for better than one deserves. Nor is it right "to take what comes."
The perfect fit that God has intended for each one of us, we seldom find, because we are so unwilling to yield to His will, and to wait till He reveals it. We are afraid of being alone, we are stubborn, we want what or whom we cannot have in the way we desire. Meanwhile, God reveals persons around us every day whom we could love as He loves, and it is among that crowd, if we would only love them one at a time, that unexpectedly we come upon a face that looks back at us with eyes that always wanted to look on us, and that we always wanted to look upon. Then, we have found the friend that God wanted us to meet, and the love that comes naturally to us but which would have died, becomes immortal.
This is super-natural selection, not Darwinism, and it alone ensures the survival of the fittest.
As your friend I now feel obliged to give you a hug. *hug*
I don't know what else to say besides the cliche and tiresome "Yeah, everyone goes through this". Cuz I'm sure they do.
It's kinda funny...we seem to seriously freak out over this "finding a mate" thing, but then berate ourselves because "shouldn't God be enough?" But God created us to need food like he created us to need others.
Definitely not the same TYPE of need, granted...but he wrote both of those needs down in the Bible so I'm sure they're important needs.
I'm wondering if people in lands without food feel the same desperation towards meals as we seem to feel towards relationships.
Our culture here seems to be abounding in things we "need" (Food, shelter, etc) but I think our culture doesn't have it together as far as human relationships are concerned.
Dang, I just wrote a blog on your blog. Forgive me.
I feel the frustration myself...I feel the desire and need for another human at the same time as I like I'd like to just give up.
And then I remember that I'm only 20 and I've "Got tons of time!" (hah)
Anyway that was totally not encouraging, but it was fun to write. LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.
Thank you all. I appologise for neglecting my poor little blot these past few days.
To the anonymous commenter who said, "True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be." These words are true. When I used the term "romantic love" it was to clarify that I am not referring to love in general, but the mushy love feelings that can be fleeting, or can lead to real love. As I re-read my post before publishing, I saw that there needed to be a differentiation.
To Olivia, thank you for the hug. I especially liked the comment about, "shouldn't God be enough," and have been working through that myself.
To Romanos, Thank you for your encouragement. My "worthiness or unworthiness" was deturmined by a trusted friend, so I will not attempt to argue this point ;) I did enjoy this thought of yours and it actually made me chuckle a bit because it is so true "Romantic love has caused more grief than can ever be told, because it's unreasonable love." Thank you for that!!
Tom, thank you!! all of it, thank you!
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