A new page to an old life?

I don't know where to start here, but I am amazed. God is so good! Amen? Amen.

As my last post indicated, I am in Montana. It is beautiful here and I would love to call it home, but that is probably not going to happen anytime soon ;) Anyway, this is not the point to my story tonight.

My dad lives here outside of Missoula. I don't get to see him all that often, and until the past couple years that was just fine because he and I have not had a very good relationship...in fact I'd say that "relationship" would have been too strong a word for us. We lived more like acquaintences than anything, but that all started to change about two and a half years ago.

Some of you may know what it is like to grow up in your teenage years not having a dad around. That was me. (This might explain a thing or two to some of you readers, but even this is not my point). Two and a half years ago I chose to forgive my dad of every thing he had ever put me through by not being in my life. It wasn't easy, but I knew that with God, all things would be possible, so I systematically went through every memory and forgave my dad.

Yeah, it hurt a bunch at first, but after a while it was very freeing....holding a grudge is hard work; harder than I had even realized. Through this, loving my dad actually became a desire and not just a Biblical mandate. It was amazing that through my forgiving, it was me who was being healed in heart!

It was also at that time that I started realizing that although dad and I "got along" just fine, we didn't have a relationship to speak of. That was when I started asking God to show me how to be a daughter. I had spent so much time without a dad in my life that I had forgotten what is was to be his daughter...instead of a girl that came to visit once or twice during the course of a year. I also wanted to reach my dad with the love of Christ and the best way I could think of was to submit myself to my father and live my life in Christ before my dad as a witness to him of God's love.

So, my first chance to do so was two years ago at Christmas time. The whole time I was there I looked for ways to serve my daddy and to make him comfortable. At the end of the day I sat at his feet and leaned my head against his knee and asked him to tell me about his day. I did everything I could think of that a daughter would do to bring honor to her father. For the first time in years I loved my dad. When the time came to go back home, tears filled my eyes. I couldn't believe how quickly the time had passed, and now I couldn't bear to be parted from my daddy...even now I am pretty teared up at the memory of it.

So, since then there have been about 6 visits between us, and with each one we grow a little closer. We never used to think anything of it if we didn't hear from one another for a month. Now we speek often throghout the week.

(Now I am getting to the point of this post). As close as we have gotten, we never talk about feelings. I know this is a big shock...not talking to a man of an older generation about feelings? But hang with me a little bit. My folks separated when I was 13 and were finally divorced a year and a half later. I am going to be 26 in two-ish weeks. In these 13 years, dad and I have never spoken about the divorce in any way. Neither of us expressing pain, regrets, facts...nothing about an event that changed both our lives forever, half my lifetime ago.... Until today.

I don't even know how we stumbled into the conversation, but before I knew it my dad was telling me about what he did wrong and that he was sorry for the pain caused. He told me his side of things....something I had never known before.... and told me that he loved me. Then I told him how sory I was for the way I had treated him for so long. We talked for a good 45 minutes more, Praise God. And just like that, something new and amazing was started...trust.

I know this post is getting really long, but it was such an amazing time with my daddy that I wanted to share. I only get to have another week here and already I feel the pain of having to leave him. My goal in coming was to continue building our relationship and to show Jesus to my father. I think I will be leaving with much more. Please pray for him? Please pray for me too? Thanks for reading.